THE TWO WAY TELEVISION

O.K., let’s file this one under …

THE CONSPIRACY OF THE TWO WAY TELEVISION

Right now…

As you sit at your computer…

Reading this blog…

I am watching you.

I can see the dots that are the pupils of your eyes moving across the text by way of that teeny tiny little dot of a camera on your computer, that sits there hiding, and which that you barely ever even think about. 

That’s the one that’s there for when you Skype, or iChat, or Google Talk…

Well, I am not really watching you, but that’s what Jeff has always thought. 

Not me watching, but somebody…

Frequently, we will have a version of this conversation about the built-in camera on the computer:

Jeff: That thing is always on, isn’t it?

Me:  So if you are really worried about that little camera, don’t do anything stupid around it, like sit right here and explain to it that you are not going to file your Federal return because you disagree with the right of the Federal Government to levy income taxes.

Jeff:  So then you agree, it’s on?  And you have no idea who could be watching…

That’s the paranoia of conspiracy theorists.  That there is an army of Men in Black taking notes on each and every one of us as we type our blogs, surf for porn, and waste our days watching YouTube videos.  Nameless, faceless, and out to do us no good…

The theory of the evil empire watching from the other side of the looking glass comes from George Orwell, who, in his popular novel 1984 prophesized that Big Brother was always watching us.  Those watching in secret would use whatever they would learn to keep the population in line.  The same concept was made use of by Ray Bradbury in his classic novel, Fahrenheit 451.

Think of how many people would be required to watch each and every one of us, all day long, waiting for us to take out the dog-eared copy of The Catcher in the Rye.

This morning, our brand new 42-inch HD digital flat screen TV was delivered.  Don’t ask me how Jeff and I afforded this luxurious item, part-time blogging and full-time conspiracy theorist are not the highest paying job occupations. 

So, Jeff now worries that this new digital monstrosity is also watching us, preparing to gather data on us 24/7.  That means someone out there will watch me watching an occasional episode of The Jersey Shore.   There, I admitted it.  C’mon, you know you watch as well.

With this brand new LCD screen hanging on the wall, I guess this claim bears investigating.  Is our new television a window into our private lives?  And is there a massive conspiracy to use all this  information gathered about us, against us?

Now witness the following, and follow along as a witness, as we try to connect the pixels...

Jeff and I have television service through a digital cable box supplied by Time Warner Cable.  Time Warner Cable is part of one of those huge conglomerates that Jeff imagines are constantly poised to take over the world.

It’s not really a secret that companies like Time Warner Cable, or Google (via the searches an individual might do), or facebook (by their awareness of the ‘likes’ of its users), compile information about each of us, even entering areas in which we might have an expectation of privacy.

Think about the last time you signed on to Amazon.com.  Now I’m no conspiracy theorist, but I know that they know enough about my buying habits, to suggest books that I might like to buy.

But can this information be used against you?  And is there any chance that it could be in the form of a conspiracy, behind closed doors, in smoked filled rooms…

After the attacks of September 11th, 2001, Jeff, and other conspiracy theorists were worried that in the guise of national security, individual freedom and privacy would be whittled away.

Under the USA Patriot Act, passed just a month after the September 11 attack, Federal agents can force a noncable television operator to disclose every show you have ever watched.  For me that would be at least as far back as all those episodes of Sesame Street and The Electric Company.  Those brought to you by the letter C, for conspiracy.  Or by the letter D, for dot.

It’s sort of reminiscent of the Salem Witch Trials. All the Federal Government just has to say is that the request is related to a terrorism investigation and your TV provider is prohibited from informing you that your personal information has been requested. 

Then if you watch Bewitched, surely a subversive sit-com, you can get locked up.  Well, maybe not Bewitched, but maybe if you watch a lot of old Hitler documentaries…

Or certainly all day marathons of Mel Gibson movies. 

Sounds pretty ominous, and vey much connects to Jeff’s paranoia.

But we don’t have a non-cable operator supplying us with television here in the East Village.  We have Time Warner Cable. 

The Cable Act of 1984 gives cable operators, and their subscribers, greater protection against the Patriot Act.  Cable companies do not have to release an individual's records unless the government investigators show that the person is the target of a criminal investigation. 

Even then, the individual must be notified of the request, which the individual can then challenge in court. 

Yes, a noncable company, like say DirecTV, collects a large amount of individual data, such as program package orders, pay-per-view orders.  They even track your online purchases, much like Amazon does.  So, yes, they are not subject to the 1984 statue.  The Justice Department could ask DirecTV to disclose whether you subscribe to Playboy, or purchased Viagra, if it would help an investigation.

But it feels unlikely that anyone from the federal government will make frivolous requests, even into the lives of conspiracy theorists.  Because, it still requires a subpoena.  

But Jeff is right, the companies are still all compiling data about us, and it is entirely possible it could be misused. 

But it seems so unlikely that a physical person is actually watching me through this beautiful new television set, otherwise they would be able to connect with the beautiful angry middle finger I have placed out there for their viewing pleasure.  But somewhere there will be ones and zeros about every channel change I am about to make.

Or, I could just have my digital finger connect with that tiny little dot of a power switch on the new set, and turn it off…

Conspiracy… doubtful.  A misuse of technology to sell us stuff we don’t want… always possible.

So, until I hear otherwise from someone on the other side of The Looking Glass, e-mails are always welcomed.

Please keep your eye on the dot in the meantime.